Should be an interesting blog this week
But first for something completely different. This!…
It’s another one of those ‘so random I wish I’d come up with it’ memes that show up every now on the interweb. This one involves taking a picture of your head in a freezer, and then uploading it and tagging it with the cryptic tag ‘241543903‘. The idea is that when someone does an image search for this very unassuming number, all the photos of people with their heads in a freezer show up in the results. It’s such a strange concept that I couldn’t help joining in the fun. And of course, this means my friend over at Heart Explodes – who introduced this random idea to me – has to join in as well
But now let’s get to the meat of the blog. I’ve spent the last week musing on what I would call flirty friendships. Relationships with a girl where we enjoy each others company, spend a lot of time together, there’s an obvious mutual attraction but it doesn’t quite seem like enough to move it to the next level. So these friendships/relationships end up in limbo, forever stuck somewhere between platonicity and consenting adult action.
Although the more I think about it, the more I realise these relationships aren’t stuck at all. Last week I wrote about the ever-changing nature of the dancing connection, and all of our relationships dance to the same drum. A flirty friendship could never stay in limbo for 10 years. Or 5 years. Even for 1 year. Even when it seems like a relationship is completely stuck, Black Swan randomness forces a change that happens both quickly and completely unexpectedly. Maybe you meet someone else and the friend becomes crazy stalker girl. Maybe she meets someone else and suddenly you’re not in the picture at all. Something will always happen.
And here is the point where I think it’s my job, as the man, to not only embrace that change, but to instigate it. And for some reason the only example that comes to mind is the Naked Man from How I Met Your Mother. (For those of you who don’t want to follow the link, a quick recap: The Naked Man technique is where after a not-particularly-successful date, the man creates a reason to go back to the girls place. Once inside, when the girl leaves the room the man takes off all his clothes and is naked when she returns. She gets surprised, she laughs, he laughs and then..2 times out of 3..something just happens. Impressed by the mans honesty and bravado, and maybe a little pity, the girl decides she might as well sleep with him)
Obviously there’s a lot of poetic license in the episode. But I can’t help but think that in certain circumstances, with certain people the Naked Man would not only work, but be the right thing to do. Without exception, this is *not* a technique for when there’s any genuine interest in a girl beyond sexual fulfilment (which I might add is not the worst way to start a relationship).
But it highlights my point – as a man if I think a relationship with a girl is in limbo, I can feel stuck and just put up with it and try and enjoy her company while other – possibly better – girls are passing me by; or I could pull the Naked Man and find out how she feels for sure. It’s risky, if it doesn’t go down well the friendship is essentially over (and I may be kicked onto the street butt-naked). But if the friendship is likely to end over time anyway I’d rather own the game-changing event, so at least I know I tried to move the relationship in the direction I wanted to. A weird example, but it suffices.
So the point of my musings this week is this: Things always change, even if they seem stuck or comfortable. If there’s a direction you want that change to go, it’s better to try to go all-out for that change in the way you want it, than to let the universe make it happen for you.